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I Hate The Kidneys (And Other Epiphanies)

Okay, hate might be a bit of a strong word. But I’m definitely finding renal physiology challenging. VERY challenging. Some of this stems from how I didn’t do A Level Biology, so I feel a bit behind on some of the basic kidney physiology, and I’ve had to do some catching up.

It’s not been too bad though; KhanAcademy videos have been very helpful, and I’ll even admit that I started with GCSE Bitesize and A Level textbooks to get to grips with the very basics, so those have been quite useful too. 

Epiphany 2: When you start questioning whether or not you need more than 4 hours of sleep is when you know you really need to go to sleep.

The above is quite self explanatory to be honest. New lows for me this term.

Epiphany 3: I am very irritable on limited sleep.

This is linked to epiphany 2, and it’s not much of an epiphany because I already knew this, but my cranky levels have sky rocketed this semester. I think it’s because I’ve been sleeping even less than normal, and when I’m tired I find most things annoying. Seriously. From people breathing too loud, to the way they talk; the most irritating thing is when people ask me if I’m okay. The frustrating thing is that I know that I’m being unreasonable and ridiculous, which makes me annoyed with myself, and then the whole cycle starts again.

Epiphany 4: I don’t like being set up with people.

It makes me feel uncomfortable when people who don’t know me well talk about my love life (or lack of one), and there are few things that put me off someone more than when I feel like I’m being pressured. I’m very much a ‘let the chips fall as they may’ person. 

Epiphany 5: I have missed blogging.

I take breaks from here when life gets hectic, and I feel like there are too many people in my head for me to honestly convey my thoughts. I’m feeling better though, so here’s to more frequent updates in the future, she blogged optimistically. 

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My Valentine’s Epiphany

There is a C.S. Lewis quote that scares me. Like, genuinely terrifies me. And this is it: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Here is a picture that perfectly explains it:

c.s. lewis

Chilling stuff, right? I don’t want that to happen to me!

If you’d asked my opinion on relationships a year ago, I would have probably given you a cynical response with emphasis on the pointlessness of them, and that’s why my “coldheartedness” is an ongoing joke between my friends and I. You see, I used to think that there was no point in going out with people because breakups were inevitable, so why put yourself through it all? But things have changed.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still very dismissive of whiny 14 year olds who claim to be “lonely” and NEED a significant other to complete them, but I’ve come to the realisation that it wasn’t very fair of me to shoot down all relationships because I thought dating at a young age was an unnecessary, tempting distraction. I still think that in the majority of cases it can be, but just because I didn’t feel I was mature enough to go out with people doesn’t mean that others aren’t, so I guess this is me admitting that I was wrong.

The Bible talks about not awakening love until the time is right so people have different times that are right for them I suppose. I am a hopeless romantic and I’m very fascinated by love. I have never been in love but hopefully one day I will fall head over heels for the right person and it will be wonderful. Many have said that my expectations of relationships are “too high.” I disagree; totally believe that my Mr Darcy is out there waiting to sweep me off my feet but until then, I’m happy as I am because Christ is enough for me, and I wouldn’t compromise my belief in Him for anything or anyone.

Does this mean I’m ready to start “dating” people? I think so. If someone asks me out, and that said someone gets me, respects and accepts me for all that I am, and I reciprocate such feelings, it’s about time I unlocked my heart from its casket to let its cold cockles get warmed. Do I like anyone right now? No. But I don’t think I’ll be as scared to admit it to myself next time I do. And just to clear it up once and for all, I am not and was never coldhearted, just… cautious. 

(P.S. – Still believe Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday designed to bring business to establishments after Christmas. If you really cared about someone, you wouldn’t need a special day of the year to show them this. That is all.)