A Year of COVID Lockdowns: Finding Comfort in Nostalgia

When I feel low, I watch High School Musical. I’ve dubbed it my “comfort film,” because watching it takes me back to being 11 and carefree. So whenever I put it on, I’m able to forget whatever it was that was bringing me down.

This week marked exactly one year since the first UK COVID-19 lockdown, and what a year it’s been. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve coped with the various highs and lows of the last couple of months, and the things that got me through tough days.

The obvious was God, because during times of despair and loneliness, keeping grounded in my faith and remembering that I am not alone kept me going. God really came through via encouragement from my friends and family, as well as some unlikely sources too, so those were huge blessings that I definitely need to acknowledge.

One other thing that I’ve realised I’ve done a lot of is reminisce about “simpler,” pre-COVID days. A year ago when things were looking bleak and scary, immersing myself in the past was comforting in many ways.

I reconnected with old friends. I found ‘the lost years’ of Open Diary entries from when I was still in school (2008 to 2009 was a pivotal time of change for young Tai). I made a lot of banana bread…

This nostalgia also came across in the media I consumed. I watched films I’d loved in my childhood (HSM, ofcourse), so when Disney+ released a spin off series based on the franchise, I watched that too. In fact, many evenings post long COVID rota shifts last spring were spent watching TV shows I’d loved as a kid. I found renewed comfort watching the antics of Zach and Cody (Suite Life), Will and Carlton (Fresh Prince of Bel-air) and Tia and Tamera (Sister, Sister), to name a few. Tracy Beaker and Coming to America have also seen spin offs in the last couple of months, what a time it’s been!

On the music side, I grew up listening to Hillsong songs in church, so when they released Take Heart (Again) last autumn, with new takes on classic, familiar songs, I cried and was encouraged.

The throwbacks continued with books I read – most significant during this time was Stephenie Meyer finally releasing Midnight Sun last summer. What a throwback it was to my teenager Twilight super fan days, even though ofcourse through adult eyes I can finally see how problematic Edward Cullen is…

One of my favourite books is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, which I have also recently re-read and gotten new insight from. It’s finally being adapted into a film and I’M SO BUZZED.

(Special mention to the BBC adaptation of Malorie Blackman’s Noughts and Crosses- so SO good, forever relevant and thought provoking.)

I guess what I’m trying to say with all this is that after a year of COVID lockdowns, holding on to things of the past because of uncertainties of the future is what a lot of us have done to comfort ourselves. A lot has changed for everyone, and many have seen great suffering and loss in this time.

My prayer and hope is that in time we’ll all start having more to look forward to, amen to that! Here’s to a better, Coronavirus free future.

Yet Another Failed Fit Test

The last two weeks have brought even further changes to our rotas. With the number of COVID cases gradually reducing in my hospital, services that had been put on hold are being restarted, and staff are slowly being redeployed back to their original wards.

So what has this meant for me? Well I’m no longer on a Gastro ward! After two months of life as a gastro junior doctor, I have now been sent back to my base ward- respiratory.

Not going to lie, after weeks of feeling drained and exhausted because of how busy the gastro ward was, I thought I would be more relieved to be going back, so I was surprised to find that I was actually a bit… sad?

Don’t get me wrong, life as a gastro junior was stressful AF, but I’m only now realising just how much I learned and grew as a doctor because of it. Spending many shifts as the only doctor on the ward meant I was reviewing patients on my own, which has increased my confidence with this. I’m also much quicker at getting through my jobs and A LOT better with cannulas- turns out situations involving patients with huge GI bleeds, who need transfusions ASAP, make you just get on with getting that cannula in without overthinking it, because the pressure is real, you know? I’m now pretty decent at taking bloods from IV drug users too, because we had quite a few of them on the ward throughout lockdown.

I learnt a lot about gastroenterology during my time on the ward- the registrars and consultants were always keen to teach, and I was very surprised to come to the realisation that I actually really like gastro physiology.

ALSO, have I mentioned that I now know how to do ascitic drains??? I don’t think it’s come up much…

Anyway, I’m grateful for my time on gastro, and I know that it has prepared me well for my gastro job next year as an F2 😊

In other news, being back on Respiratory means that I need to be Fit tested again, because I will be seeing respiratory/suspected COVID patients a lot more now. So I had my third Fit test last week with the smaller masks…

…. and I failed yet again. Sigh.

I’ve been told that the final option is for me to have a respirator mask, which is a lot sturdier and likely to fit. Currently trying to get that sorted before my on call shifts, and in the mean time, I am not to see suspected COVID patients/do ABGs on patients on NIV, because of increased risk of infection if I don’t have a secure mask. Here’s hoping I can get a respirator soon!

Finally, I had my antibody test results come back and not going to lie I was a bit disappointed by the negative result. But it means I most probably haven’t had COVID so we thank God! 🙏🏽

New Rota, Same Me?

HELLO! A lot has happened since the last time I posted on here so I think some updates are needed.

First of all, regarding the COVID-19 patient I saw without PPE. Over two weeks later and I still have no symptoms so I’ve been going to work as normal. The Consultant I saw the patient with has tested positive for COVID-19 though, and been self isolating for the last couple of days. I texted him to send my well wishes and check how he’s doing, and he said he’s not feeling too bad, so hoping he stays that way.

Second update: my rota changed quite significantly last week. We (FY1s) have been unofficially promoted, so our rotas now match the FY2 and more senior doctors in the hospital. I now have three different shift patterns: 8am to 4pm, 4pm to 12am or 12am to 8am, and we have less breaks between them (four days on, one off, then five days on, then one off and then back to four days), so working a lot more because we’ve been told weekends and bank holidays are now no different weekdays re: staffing levels.

This means that all my annual leave has been cancelled indefinitely- I’m doing a lot more on call shifts and nights, and I counted that I’m working 13 weekends between now and August. THIRTEEN. That’s a lot.

Also my base ward has changed from Respiratory to Gastro, and I’ve been moved to a ‘cold zone’ of the hospital, meaning that I won’t be seeing COVID patients for now. During my on call shifts, I still cover Respiratory and Renal wards though, so this week I swabbed a patient for COVID for the first time, which was …a learning experience. I felt so sorry for the patient- it’s not a very pleasant experience. If you’re interested in seeing how it’s done, click here.

However, on a positive note I’m no longer working nights on my birthday!!! By some miracle, one of my off days happens to fall on Tai and Kenny Day, so YAY for that!

We now have to wear scrubs all the time now (so much more comfortable tbh), so get ready for some more #scrubselfies:

Until next time! 😀

COVID-19 in the UK: The Perspective of a Respiratory Junior Doctor

This time last week Coronavirus seemed quite far away my ward; heck, we were even teasing one of the other F1s for “overdoing” it with the constant reminders to ensure we were wiping down our phones- we really thought they were being a bit extra. But things have moved so quickly over the last few days, so I thought it was about time I started documenting how things are changing for me.

(Side note- I really appreciate the messages and calls I’ve been getting from family and friends checking in on how I’m getting on. Being up north can feel so far away from home sometimes, especially with social distancing now, so it means a lot when people get in touch. That’s part of the reason I’m adding a COVID-19 section to this blog, so that I can keep people updated a bit better).

So how are things at the moment? Honestly, not too bad. There aren’t any confirmed COVID cases on my ward yet, so my day to day life on the Respiratory ward hasn’t really changed.

I’m starting to feel a bit anxious though; the mood on the ward is kind of like the calm before the storm right now, and the nurses feel thesame- “It’s like it could kick off anytime soon” is the general consensus, and our Consultant has told us to prepare for the worst, because he thinks things will go similarly to what we’ve been seeing in Italy, and with not enough ventilators and ICU capacity, it could get really really peak.

Here are some updates we’ve received this week:

• F1 doctors will most probably not be rotating to new jobs in April, so it looks like I will be in Respiratory for the unforeseeable future.
• Elective surgeries will be cancelled, and surgical doctors will be “re-deployed” to medical wards to help out.
• Mandatory F1 teaching and training days have been cancelled so that we can be available on the wards.
• Shortages of masks means that we still haven’t been FIT tested, meaning that we don’t the right equipment to protect us when seeing patients.
• My holiday to Morocco next week is most definitely no longer happening (sad times), and I’ve been told that I might get my annual leave suspended, so to be ready just in case.

It all sounds a bit doom and gloom so I’m going to make sure I also include some reasons to be cheerful in my posts. So today’s reason to be cheerful? Grateful for the supportive seniors I have on my ward – despite all the chaos, I’ve laughed a lot today, and I’m blessed to have such a great team.

I’m going to try and keep updating as much as I can over the next couple of weeks, and would really appreciate prayers for strength for me and my NHS colleagues as we face what’s coming. Psalm 91 has been a particular source of comfort recently, and I’ll make sure I continue to remember that I’m not alone, AMEN to that.