Starting 2021 by Grieving the Losses of 2020

During our family prayers over Zoom yesterday, my 13 year old brother struggled to recall a good thing that had happened for him in 2020. Apart from his birthday in December, he couldn’t think of anything else to add because he felt that the year hadn’t been great. He mentioned in passing that he would have preferred to stay at home, because without being able to freely hang out with/interract with his friends at school, it felt like he was just doing online work in a different setting.

It broke my heart that he kept trying to play off his disappointments from missed school trips and memories with his friends as minor, because he didn’t think they were worth bringing up because “other people have lost way more.”

This got me thinking a lot about how so many people like my brother have experienced different manifestations of loss in 2020, and similarly to him they may feel like it’s not something they can bring up, because of how unimportant it might seem in the grand scheme of things.

My church sermon today focused on the idea of revitalising in the new year, and a particular point that has stayed with me is that no matter how big or small our losses are, to be able to move forward we must be people who acknowledge and grieve them well.

Personally, there are certain things I lost out on due to COVID that I tried to spin as positives straightaway, without acknowledging how much they pained me. And looking back on them, I still have some residual sadness that I haven’t properly acknowledged, so I think taking time to mention them now will help me fully move on:

1. The loss of time with my family during the first lockdown. The four months that my siblings and parents had at home without me really made me feel left out and sad, because it’s rare for us to be at home all together, so I really felt so out of it.

2. Not spending my 25th birthday with my sister. We will never have that back, and even though we made the best of it and it wasn’t as bad as I’d feared it’d be, it was still lowkey sad.

3. The new uncertainties/changes in my plans for life after F2. Due to COVID and circumstances beyond my control, I’ve lost out on the flexibility I’d hoped for, and that has been incredibly disappointing.

2020 has caused different types of loss for us all- we shouldn’t compare what we’ve lost with others, but that doesn’t mean we should deny them either. As we grieve our losses, and as Christians bring those losses to God, He heals and restores us, enabling us to make space for new life and what the new year will bring.

Are there any losses from 2020 that you haven’t given yourself the chance to properly grieve? Trust me, it really does help to move on when you acknowledge them fully, so definitely try it.

Here’s to a better 2021, everyone, happy new year! 😊

Loneliness Can Be A Rumbling Pit In Your Stomach

*A telephone consultation in General Practise*

Me: Hello, how can I help you?

Patient: I’m not sure what’s wrong with me doctor, but I’ve been having some problems with gas for a while now.

Me: Okay, can you tell me a bit more about it?

Patient: Actually, it feels more like reflux.

Me: I see, and when did you first notice this?

Patient: Around January, I think, and it’s gotten worse since then and during lockdown.

Me: Have you noticed any stomach pain with it?

Patient: Not really.

Me: Any tummy swelling?

Patient: No.

Me: Have you felt nauseous or been sick with it?

Patient: No.

Me: Any changes with your bowel movements?

Patient: No, I’ve been going as normal.

Me: Any weight loss or night sweats?

Patient: No, my weight has been the same and I’ve not been sweating.

Me: Okay, so can you tell me more about this reflux?

Patient: It’s a bit odd; it started after my husband died at the start of this year, and throughout lockdown it was there all the time. Now I don’t really have it during the day, but I notice it more in the evenings.

Me: Is it brought on by eating certain things or lying down?

Patient: Not really, it comes on no matter what I eat, especially when I’m sat in my front room. Oh, and after my grandson leaves.

Me: Your grandson?

Patient: Yes, my son’s little boy- since lockdown eased I’ve been having him during the day when his parents are working.

Me: And you don’t have reflux during the day?

Patient: No, it’s always in the evenings.

Me: What else do you do during the day?

Patient: When my grandson isn’t here, it’s just me on my own- I sit and read or watch TV in my front room. I used to go line dancing and for lunches and Bingo with my friends, but it’s all been cancelled now because of COVID.

Me: Right, and it got worse during lockdown?

Patient: Yes, I was shielding here at home and had the reflux constantly then.

Me: When it first started, did anything make it better?

Patient: I think it was after my husband died in January that it started, and I had it for a couple of weeks. But it wasn’t so bad when I went to stay with my son’s family just before lockdown, before I got a letter that told me I had to shield at my own house.

Me: And that was when it got worse?

Patient: Yes, I think so.

Me: I see. And what were you hoping we could do for you today?

Patient: I was wondering if there’s anything you can give me for it? I woke up this morning and I felt the reflux again, and that was new because it’s usually in the evenings.

Me: Ahh, and that must be making it more difficult looking after your grandson as well?

Patient: Actually he’s not here today- it’s his first day back at school so won’t need me to look after him during the day anymore.

Me: Oh, right. And how do you feel about that?

Patient: I guess I got used to having him around for the company, you know? It gets quite quiet here on my own, especially in the evenings. That’s when I start thinking about my husband and how much I miss him, and seeing my friends, and then the reflux starts… oh.

Me: Oh?

Patient: You know what, doctor? I think I might just be feeling a bit lonely.

(Reader, I cried.)