And ofcourse it’s on microaggressions!
A lot of the examples I gave in the article were based on my personal experiences, so I’m really grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to educate on this over the last couple of years.
It’s still so surreal to me that I’m technically a lecturer and a medical school is letting me help with putting some of these teaching points into their curriculum- WILD.
As always, black lives STILL matter, and all the glory to God đđž
Nearly two months into life as an A&E doctor and it has been very draining. Don’t get me wrong – I’m really enjoying it and learning so much everyday because I actually feel like I’m a doctor in training, as opposed to just filling in a rota/doing jobs, but it has still been draining.
I’ve had back to back long days/late shifts/nights for the past couple of weeks, so it’s felt like all I’ve done is work nonstop, but I’m finally on normal days, which means I’ve been able to take annual leave, yay! And so far I’ve mostly slept, read and watched TV, and it has been GREAT, so I thought it was about time I updated this blog.
“You’re not really Nigerian” is a comment I’ve been getting a lot recently from some of the Nigerian international medical graduate (IMG) doctors I work with, and that’s what I want to write about today. This comment usually comes after they see my name and then ask me how long I’ve been in the UK (most of them just moved here in August), and after they hear me speak they immediately dismiss me as not being a “proper” Nigerian.
At first I laughed it off, but it has been very patronising and annoying. Also, when you keep hearing the same thing over and over again, it slowly starts getting to you. I’ve asked them what they mean by this and gotten responses that don’t really clear it up any further:
“You don’t have a Nigerian accent” – I’ve lived in the UK for 18 years now, ofcourse most of my Nigerian accent is gone now.
“I bet you don’t even understand Yoruba” – I do, actually, and speak it better than some of my cousins who actually live in Nigeria.
“You don’t listen to Burna Boy” – This one is ridiculous because ofcourse I know who he is but what if I just don’t really like his music like that? (I prefer Davido tbh) So must I force it to be accepted as Nigerian???
Being Nigerian is something I am – I’ve never felt like I’ve had to do or act a certain way to prove it, I just am. Especially because I’ve spent so much of that last couple of years speaking up about microaggressions and challenging people who assume I can’t be British because I’m black; I’ve never felt like I’ve had to defend my ‘Nigerian-ness’ in this way, and it’s been upsetting me more than I thought it would.
I’m stil so SO culturally Nigerian that I struggle with addressing the Nigerian nurses I work with by name because it feels disrespectful to call someone older than me by their first name (I always feel like I should call them ‘Aunty’). So Nigerian that I automatically go to kneel when I meet an Aunty or Uncle in public, and ofcourse I still eat Nigerian food (could live off yams and garden egg stew tbh), and not to talk about the cultural references I still have from when I actually LIVED in Nigeria, you know? I’ve tried so hard to retain my Nigerian identity despite growing up in the UK, which is really no easy feat, so to have that dismissed has been making me sad.
I had a good chat with Abs (my mother) about it and all she had to say was, “Why are you even listening to these people? They don’t know anything about you.” And you know what? She’s absolutely right.
I know who I am and will try not to let the opinions of strangers get to me so much. I’m British AND Nigerian, and I don’t need to prove how/why to anyone. I just am.
I’m watching High School Musical for the first time in nearly a year.
Anyone who follows this blog will know that HSM is my ‘comfort’ film, and I tend to watch it when I’m feeling low, so a minor setback from earlier today is what has led to me putting it on. I’m feeling better though, and The Keen One a.k.a. Kenny reminded me about why we fall, so onwards and upwards!
In other news, two terms down as a clinical teaching fellow – it’s really going by so fast! It won’t be long before I start GP training (more on where I’m going will be coming in another post), so trying to make the most of my final months as a CTF. So without further ado, here are some highlights from this term:
So yeah overall it’s been a very busy but productive term, and I’m still so grateful that this year was made possible for me. All by the grace of God! The CTF team are such a great bunch, and working with them has been so much fun so far – students really do (and say) the darndest things…
I’ve been very much MIA with this blog over the last couple of weeks, and to be fair I have been writing somewhere… who knew getting back into the swing of academic writing would be so much effort?
So the summative assignment for the first module of my PGCert is due in exactly 13 days, and I found out this week that I’ve forgotten how to Harvard reference. I always preferred it to Vancouver at uni, so getting told by my supervisor that the referencing in my first draft was wrong was definitely a sign that I’ve gotten a bit rusty. But I have 13 days to correct this so it should be fineeee… right?
I’m writing about microaggressions, a topic that I feel very passionately about, so I’ve actually been enjoying the essay writing process so far. With me having a less clinical role this year, I’ve been able to set atleast half a day a week for PGCert work, which has been very convenient. Here’s hoping it all comes together in time!
Other recent updates on the life of Tai:
Anyway, that’s about it with me for now. Back to this essay…
As promised, an update on my post F2 job:
I am now officially a week into my new role as a Clinical Teaching Fellow, and what a miracle job offer it was. You see, back in April, I was all set to accept a GP training job, but the Trust I’d done my F1 jobs in got in contact with me, and offered me this new role.
First, a bit of background information about the offer. Since last June, after the Black Lives Matter protests, speaking about my experiences as a black junior doctor, and being on BBC News talking about racism within the NHS, I started working informally with the Improvement Team at the hospital, helping them to create resources to educate staff and managers more about these issues.
This continued when I moved on to a new Trust for F2, even though I wasn’t technically employed by the hospital anymore, so I plucked up the courage to ask them for a formal paid role after F2, for me to be able to do even more for them.
It was a nerve-wracking process with a lot of back and forth and meetings with managers, the medical school leads, and even the Chief Executive, which was very intimidating at first but I held my ground…
They initially told me that there wasn’t enough funding for the role, which was why I applied for GP training and was all set to do that instead, until they got back to me a week before I was to confirm my GP offer, letting me know they’d found the money in the end. Like I said, a miracle job offer!
So my role is a brand new one and very exciting- I split my time between clinical work on AMU, teaching first and second year medical students, and working with the Improvement Team to create resources and projects around equality, diversity and inclusion (my focus will be on racism and microaggressions), really cool!
I’m so so excited for the year ahead and looking forward to hopefully getting involved in some research around health inequalities, as well as getting more time to relax because yay for no oncalls or nights or out of hours shifts for the next year đ
On a more poignant note, a recent sudden bereavement has had me thinking a lot about the brevity of life, and how we shouldn’t take it for granted. Make sure you’re telling your loved ones how much you care about them, and what they mean to you as much as you can- you never know what tomorrow will bring.
I’ve officially come to the end of my first year as a junior doctor (more on this to come in a separate post), and I was given the opportunity to be interviewed by BBC Look North last week, for a piece on racism in the NHS.
Ever since I did a presentation to junior doctors at my hospital on micro-aggressions I’ve personally experienced, the last two weeks have been a whirlwind of meetings with my hospital’s Medical Education team, the BAME Leadership Network, the Trust Organisational Development team, and the CHIEF EXECUTIVE.
It’s all been a bit overwhelming to be honest, but the long story short is that my hospital is now trying to raise more awareness of micro-aggressions and more subtle manifestations of racism, as part of new diversity and inclusion initiatives, as these are all too commonly experienced by ethnic minorities.
I’ve been so honoured to be asked to be part of a steering group and the committee driving this, as it is an issue I feel very strongly about, and I’m feeling super positive about the potential this has to make a difference.
So it was great to be able to talk about all this on the news, as part of the ongoing discourse. Still very strongly believe that the onus shouldn’t always be on the people on the receiving end of offensive comments to keep calling them out though, so to all new doctors, make sure you speak up on the wards if colleagues/patients say problematic things.
(And as they’ve always done, black lives STILL matter by the way, even if your newsfeeds have gone silent.)
And for once, it isn’t a work related fatigue.
Yet again, a black person has been murdered by a police officer in America, and videos and photos of this have been widely spread across social media. If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last couple of days, you will know that this has sparked numerous protests around the world in support of the Black Lives Matter movement.
All of this has been quite overwhelming for me if I’m to be honest, and I’m writing this as a way to try and sort out my thoughts about everything, because it’s been a lot.
On one hand, I think it has been so great to see the pouring out of support for the movement, and the fact that more people are speaking about it now. Surely more awareness will bring us closer to enacting some real change?
On the other hand, the cynic in me is kind of angry. This is not a new issue. A lot of posts Iâve seen have had a recurring theme of denouncing how terrible things are in America, as if the only form of racism worth speaking out about is the overt type that leads to the death of black people. As if racism doesn’t exist in the UK.
I find it particularly ironic that these posts are coming from people I know who have dismissed and actually contributed to microaggressions in real life.
People who have treated black and minority ethnic children as props for their Instagram feeds during âvolunteeringâ holidays abroad. People who have told me I âdon’t sound black,â as if it is compliment. People who have asked me to teach them how to twerk because I’m black and âmust know how.â People who have said to my face that black people are âclique-y” for hanging out together when we were at uni, but made no issue of the majority of white friendship groups in our year.
People who referred to my sister as the âghetto princessâ at her college in Oxford, where she was one of a handful of black students. People who told her âblack people can’t row because genetics”. People who assumed over and over again that she only got into Oxford because she was black.
The list goes on. These might seem like small things, but if you keep getting microaggressions like these daily, they eventually start to affect how you see yourself.
Medicine isn’t exempt: reports show BAME people are twice as likely to die from COVID-19. Black medics in the NHS earn less than their white colleagues, and healthcare bias is a real thing that means black patients can receive less pain relief, black women are more likely to die of heart disease as well as in childbirth, to give a few examples.
I guess it just comes across as performative in some cases. Sure, people can become educated and aim to do better, but unless you start calling out things in real life, and don’t just lend your voice to more âobviousâ manifestations of racism, especially here in the UK, you (and I’m referring to non-black people here) are not doing enough.
I’m not posting much online right now because I am tired. I live and work in a part of the country where there aren’t many black people, so my everyday life (especially at work) involves speaking out about black issues, and it is emotionally and mentally exhausting.
I have had patients assuming I am a cleaner and insisting on seeing my ID. I have had patients and staff touching my hair without permission and been told by my seniors that it’s not a big deal because they were only admiring it.
Just today, I was told to take it with a pinch of salt, and focus on how privileged I am when I tried to explain that actually, being called a âgood” immigrant for working in the NHS is not okay.
I was also told that the Black Lives Matter movement is trying to solve a problem that is âonly human nature” because âdiscrimination is everywhere.â This same colleague also said that bringing up other non-Police related forms of racism re: Black Lives Matter is distorting the message because police brutality should be the focus.
Like I said, it is exhausting.
If you weren’t born in the UK/didn’t grow up here, you might be reading this and thinking that I’m complaining for nothing, and should be âgrateful” for the life and job opportunities I have here. I know I am very privileged, and some of my colleagues, who have recently immigrated to the UK bring this up a lot. But being an immigrant doesn’t mean you should be treated as a second class citizen.
If you truly believe that Black Lives Matter, it shouldn’t just be about being against police brutality- it’s about treating black people as equal members of society and tackling structures that make achieving this more difficult.
So, yeah. That’s what I have to say for now.
So please consider what people (especially black people right now) might be going through before you start judging any of them for not speaking out âenough”. I’m doing what I can handle mentally at the moment, so don’t assume I don’t care because I’m not posting things on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram. Thanks.
(Here are a small selection of some useful resources and places to lend your support:
PETITIONS. PETITIONS. PETITIONS.
And if you would like to donate to some worthy causes, click here.)
Life As A Junior Doctor 